Oct 17 2009

The Deep Things of God

Published by Jacquie under Intimacy

…as it is written:
   ”No eye has seen, 
   no ear has heard,
   no mind has conceived
   what God has prepared for those who love him”
—but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God.  For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man’s spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God.  (1 Corinthians 2:9-11)

The other day, I was spending some time singing and meditating on this passage and I was struck with the longing to know the deep things of God.  As I searched the scripture to find out what else it said about this subject, I discovered that Jesus was one who felt things very deeply.

He looked around at them in anger and, deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts, said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He stretched it out, and his hand was completely restored.  (Mark 3:5)

He looked up to heaven and with a deep sigh said to him, “Ephphatha!” (which means, “Be opened!” ).  (Mark 7:34)

He took Peter, James and John along with him, and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled.  (Mark 14:33)

When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled…Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance.  (John 11:33, 38)

…And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ… (Ephesians 3:17, 18)

Over the recent years, I have been learning about the emotions of God, but it never occurred to me that God has deep emotions!  We have been made in God’s likeness and image and He created us as emotional creatures, yet I’m sure our emotions are just a faint whisper, a mere echo of the emotions that dwell in the heart of God.  I have felt joy, sorrow, anger, love and numerous other emotions, yet I do not think I could even begin to comprehend what God feels when He feels joy or sorrow or love! 

Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!  How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out!  Who has known the mind of the Lord?  (Romans 11:33-34)

It’s no wonder that Paul prayed in Ephesians that the Holy Spirit would give us power in our inner man to be able to grasp the depths of the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge!  It is not possible to conceive the deep things of God unless the Holy Spirit reveals them to us, as it says in the passage from 1 Corinthians, since only the Holy Spirit can search out the depths of God’s heart and mind.  We need an outpouring of the Spirit’s wisdom and revelation to take us into His deep emotions and thoughts so that we “may know him better” (Ephesians 1:17).

And while at times I feel that I am so shallow and lacking in spiritual depth, I believe that God has created deep wells within my soul and spirit, ones that even I have not yet discovered or tapped into and it is those deep emotions and thoughts that cry out with longing and desperation to touch the depths of God.  As it says in Psalm 42,

Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers have swept over me.  (Psalm 42:7)

The deep places in my spirit call out to the deep places in the Spirit of God and as much as terrifies me, I desire to come under the thundering, pounding roar of His waterfalls and waves.  My personal experience of joy is as a small drop in comparison to the Niagara Falls of God’s joy and I don’t think I could even handle the full revelation of His emotions, yet I don’t want that to stop me from asking for it!

What does the roar of God’s deep righteous anger sound like?  What do the waves of God’s deep love feel like?  What do the breakers of God’s deep sorrow feel like?  His deep jealousy?  His deep joy?  His deep compassion?  Is it possible to know and experience God’s deep emotions, His deep thoughts?  My mind gets completely overwhelmed at just the thought of trying to tap into the depths of God, yet I pray and cry out for it! 

The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out.  (Proverbs 20:5)

Oh, that I would be a woman of understanding and somehow, by the Holy Spirit, be given the gift to be able to draw out the deep waters of God’s heart.

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Feb 17 2009

Read, Hear And Take To Heart These Words

Published by Jacquie under End-Times, Intercession, Prophetic Messengers

Revelation 1:1-3 (NIV)

1 The revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave him to show his servants what must soon take place…2 that is, the word of God and the testimony of Jesus Christ. 3 Blessed is the one who reads the words of this prophecy, and blessed are those who hear it and take to heart what is written in it, because the time is near.

Jesus, I ask that You would give to me a desire for Your Word and a hunger in my spirit to eat the scroll and partake of these words that are the revelation of who You are.  Where my spirit is dull and where I am complacent and apathetic towards this book, I ask that You would deliver me and that You would sharpen me and cause a zeal and a tenacity to rise up within me.  Jesus, I want to eat the scroll.  Jesus, I desire Your words and I want to honor the prophetic word that You declared to Your church in order to reveal Yourself to us and to prepare Your Bride for Your return.  Stir up longing and hunger to read, hear, and take to heart this testimony of You.

Jesus, I ask that You would bless my mind to read the words of Your prophecy and anoint me with wisdom and revelation to understand them.  I ask that You would bless and open my eyes to see what You are desiring to show me and that my vision would be opened to enter into what John was seeing.  Jesus, as I read, may the words come to life and be branded upon my mind.  I ask for the grace and strength needed to read these difficult words and the discipline and perseverance to meditate upon them continually.  May I enter into the blessing that You promised for those who would read this book, by Your grace.

Jesus, I ask that You would bless my ears to hear the words of Your prophecy.  I pray that I would not be one who just hears these words and then immediately after forgets them, but that I would be one who hears and does!  I ask that I would be one who heeds Your Word and intently inclines my ear to listen to what the Spirit is saying to the churches.  Open my ears to hear what You are saying and remove anything that is hindering my hearing.  If there be any lies of the enemy that I have listened to and believed, I ask that You would dismantle them and destroy them.  If there be any compromise or sin in my heart that prevents me from being able to hear Your words, would You set me free and cause a turning to occur within me. 

And may I not only be one who hears, but also one who speaks the words of this prophecy.  Jesus, would You bless my mouth and anoint my speech to be a messenger in these last days.  I ask that as I hear these words, that faith would be produced in my heart, leading to a boldness to proclaim the words that I am hearing You speak.  I ask that even as I speak these words in my own prayer life, that the whispering of the truths found in this book would impact me.  I ask for courage to declare Your heart as You have revealed it in this prophecy and that I would proclaim it accurately, in grace and truth.  Would You give me wisdom and grace upon my lips to speak with clarity and authority and power!

Lastly, Jesus, I ask that You would bless and anoint me to take these words to heart.  I ask for You to soften my heart and tenderize it so that the soil of my heart would be open and ready to receive the seed of Your Word.  Would You till the soil and break up the areas of my heart that are hardened by sin and compromise.  I ask that You would enable me to take Your words to heart, allowing them to impact me and transform me.  I ask that this book would begin to pierce me, strike me, and wound me with the urgency of the hour and the reality that the time is indeed near.  I ask that I would not be able to simply glaze over the words without them entering into my heart and changing the way I think, feel, and live my life.  I ask that my heart would be ruined by the corrections You give Your church, by the promises You offer to those who overcome, by the images and events I see portrayed in Your judgments, by the glory of the coming age and the unimaginable beauty and rapture of the fellowship with God that is ours to enjoy in that day.  I ask that it would absolutely wreck me for an average, ordinary life and that I would have these words so burned and seared upon my soul that I could do nothing less than agree with them fully and enter into partnership with You in seeing them fulfilled.

So be it.  Amen.

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Jul 02 2008

Thought of the Day

Published by Jacquie under Intimacy

Song of Songs 4:9

You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride;
       you have stolen my heart
       with one glance of your eyes,
       with one jewel of your necklace.

Psalm 27:4

One thing I have desired of the LORD, that will I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to inquire in His temple.

I am so thankful that the Lord is captivated by just one glance of my eyes, since this is often all I seem to be able to give Him, yet I find myself feeling the same desire as David, to “behold” the beauty of the Lord.  To behold literally means to “hold in view”, meaning that I desire to not only give the Lord brief glances during my day, but I wish to hold Him in my view and keep my eyes fixed on Him for long periods of time.  This sentiment is also found in some of the synonyms for “behold”, which are “consider”, “gaze”, “maintain”, “retain” and “wait”.  I don’t really know how to accomplish this, but I am asking for the grace to wait upon Him and maintain a sustained gaze on His face.

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Nov 08 2007

Abandoned Giving of Oneself

Published by Jacquie under Intimacy, Marriage

Oftentimes, the most valuable gift a person can give is the gift of them-self. 

In this post, I want to talk about how God gives of Himself to us, how He desires us to give ourselves to Him, and how we can bring this act of giving into our marriages.

God Gave Himself to Us
I’ve just started reading the book “Desiring God” by John Piper, in which his goal is to prove that there doesn’t need to be a struggle between duty and delight in our relationship with God for delight is our duty!  We were made to desire and find the most satisfying pleasure and joy in God.  However, before getting to that point, he says the following…

God’s own glory is uppermost in His own affections…This is the same as saying: He loves himself infinitely…God would be unrighteous (just as we would) if He valued anything more than what is supremely valuable.  But He Himself is supremely valuable…Through all eternity God the Father has beheld the image of His own glory perfectly represented in the person of His Son.  Therefore, one of the best ways to think about God’s infinite enjoyment of His own glory is to think of it as the delight He has in His Son, who is the perfect reflection of that glory.”

Now you may find yourself asking, “But doesn’t this make God rather vain and selfish?  How can He love us if He is so consumed with loving Himself?”  Yet, God has proven His incredible love for us by giving to us the best thing possible: Himself!  Piper goes on to say, “If He withholds Himself from our contemplation and companionship, no matter what else He gives us, He is not loving.”  God demonstrated His love for us by giving us the most valuable thing He could offer – relationship with Him, by giving His very life for us in the act of His Son’s crucifixion for our sakes.  Truly, anything less than Himself could never satisfy the longings inside of us. 

Just before His death on the cross, Jesus prayed that the Father would give us the revelation that the Father loves us even as He loves Jesus (John 17:23) – or, if we take my first quote from Piper, this could also be interpreted as Him saying that the Father loves us even as He loves Himself!  His infinite love of His own glory and perfection is the same love He desires to pour out upon us – He desires to give of Himself to us without reservation, with no hindrances between us, for us to one day know Him fully as He fully knows us!  (1 Cor. 13:12)

We Give Ourselves to God
Now, this kind of extravagant giving of oneself needs to be reciprocal.  In the same way that God shows His incredible love for us by giving Himself to us in relationship, so He desires for us to give ourselves to Him as a demonstration of our love for Him.  We know this because He has expressed it numerous times in scripture

Father, I desire that they also whom You gave Me may be with Me where I am, that they may behold My glory which You have given Me… (John 17:24)

You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes…How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine… (Song of Songs 4:9-10)

I belong to my lover, and his desire is for me.  (Song of Songs 7:10)

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.  (Mark 12:30)

However, we often withhold the very thing that He is asking for.  Whether we’re fearful and ashamed of our sin and feel unworthy, whether we don’t believe He truly desires us, or whether we withhold ourselves out of selfishness, I think Jennifer Roberts put it best as she spoke during a session at a conference I attended, “Who are you to deny the Living God what He desires?”  When we hold back in giving ourselves completely to Him, it’s sending the message that we don’t really love Him, for we are the best, most valuable thing we have to offer Him!  He desires us and is ravished by us! 

Yet, even as God is capable of giving Himself to us because He loves Himself and sees Himself as a valuable gift to give, I believe it is imperative for us to love ourselves in the sense that we see our value and beauty in the way He sees us.  For if we do not love ourselves, we will most certainly not feel worthy of offering ourselves to Him as an act of love!  Though we recognize that we are soiled by sin, we must also see that we are lovely to Him because of His gift of righteousness and that He sees us as perfect, even now!

Now, before you go and get intimidated by the prospect of giving yourself to Him entirely, wholeheartedly, with abandon, holding nothing back – take a deep breath, because He says that He is ravished by just one simple glance of our eyes!  It all starts with just one look, one “yes”, one quickly whispered “I love you”, opening one more door in your heart, sharing one more secret with Him, letting Him into one more area of your life.  I know that this is a huge hurdle for me because I often feel like I can’t give Him anything until I’m ready to give it all at once, and so I end up giving Him nothing.  But if I can remember that I can capture His heart with just one glance, if I can give Him even that, soon it will abound to much more and He will enable me to give all of myself, one step at a time.

We Give Ourselves to our Spouse
Now I found that these same principles can be applied to our marriages.  If I am not confident in my husband’s love for me, and if I do not believe that I am beautiful to him (in other words, if I don’t love myself), then I will not be able to offer myself to him in love.  If I think I’m ugly or unworthy to be his wife, how can I possibly be open with him about my weaknesses, struggles, fears, etc. and allow him into the deep areas of my heart?  I have to believe that my husband loves me for who I am and that he accepts me, flaws and all, otherwise I will want to withhold, thinking I am protecting him from seeing my blemishes, when really am I communicating that I don’t really love him or trust him.  This is always a struggle for me, for I have always been one that likes to present a perfect appearance to the world and have everyone think that I have everything put together, yet when I allow myself to be vulnerable, open and honest with my husband, our love goes to further depths of intimacy than if I held those things back.  When I confidently give myself wholly to my husband, sure in my knowledge of his love for me, letting down all the walls, confident that I am a valuable gift worth giving, then our love for one another with blossom and grow.

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Dec 20 2006

The Pain of Desire

Published by Jacquie under Intimacy

If you’ve ever experienced the pain of desire, you know what I’m talking about and don’t need an explanation. But if you don’t know what I mean, allow me to paint you a picture…

I believe I first experienced the pain of desire when I was 13 years old (or it was the first time I had the realization that this is what it was). I was a young girl, lonely and aching for love. In my immaturity, I thought this desire for love could be fulfilled by a person, but there was no such person in my life to attempt to fill the void with. I therefore became depressed and despised life, for what kind of life is it if you are always in pain, desiring what you cannot have? But then, one day at church, somebody was sharing their testimony of how God had touched their life and I saw a joy in them that I had never seen before and which I longed to have. I ran to the bathroom to try and hide the tears that were welling up, as the pain of desire grew even stronger – only now, the object of that desire had changed. I wanted to know that joy, the true joy of having experienced His touch.However, I naively thought that once I did experience His touch that I would be forever satisfied and the pain would finally cease. To some extent this was true. I went to some revival meetings and He met me there! I felt His love for me and I knew that He was real and I realized that He cared about me and I was forever changed. That encounter with the living God, with my Bridegroom Jesus, ruined me for eternity – no longer would I ever be able to find satisfaction in anything less than Him. And I had JOY! I laughed like I had never laughed before – such joy bubbled from inside my spirit at His touch. And I was fully satisfied. But it didn’t last…

It didn’t last?? (You ask) Shouldn’t the love of God satisfy so that you never thirst again?? Yet it doesn’t work like that! Once you’ve had just a taste of Him, you MUST have more! The last drink completely quenches your thirst, but the next day, or the next week, you find you are thirsty for it again! Allow me to use an earthly example: When Joe and I were dating, it came to the moment where we had our first kiss. Oh, it was bliss!! Never had I imagined his lips would be so soft and so delicious! (Forgive me if I am being too descriptive!) And I was soaring high for days on the delight of kissing him, reliving the experience, which brought multiple smiles to my lips just at the thought of it. But it didn’t take long before the memory was no longer enough – I wanted to experience the pleasure of his kiss again and again and again! (Forgive me again for being so mushy) But this is truly how it is with my relationship with Jesus. After one “kiss”, so to speak, I found it was never enough. I was always left wanting more.

And so this pain of desire.

As Mike Bickle put it in his series on “Contemplative Prayer” – “Hunger is God’s gift to you. That hunger has overwhelming delight and it has anguish! …There’s two sides of love… God uses the one overwhelming love to absolutely empower and enthrall us. He uses the ‘hiding of His face’ kind of love in order to produce meekness, tenderness and dependancy… Your anguish for God today…is the work of God in you… it is the token of God’s hand upon your heart.”

But when you’re in a season where it feels like God is “hiding His face” from you and you can’t sense His presense like before, it is truly anguish! There is pain in desiring to encounter the heart and love of God, and it certainly doesn’t feel good in the moment – I feel like pounding my fists on His chest and yelling, “WHERE ARE YOU???” Yet, it’s those moments of desperation and hunger and longing that make the moments when you hear His voice or feel His touch all the better and all the more satisfying. I don’t understand it fully, but I have to believe that when I’m in those times of painful desire and longing that it will come to an end, and that it won’t last forever, and that He is using it to produce love in my heart for Him. I have to believe that He will come and satisfy the desires of my heart, just as He promised He would.

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Feb 10 2006

Pearl of Great Price

Published by Jacquie under Intimacy

Matthew 13:45-46 (NKJV)
Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking beautiful pearls, who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had and bought it.

1 Corinthians 6:19-21 (NIV)
…You are not your own; you were bought at a price…Hosea 3:1-3 (The Message)
Then God ordered me, “Start all over: Love your wife again, your wife who’s in bed with her latest boyfriend, your cheating wife. Love her the way I, God, love the Israelite people, even as they flirt and party with every god that takes their fancy.”

I did it. I paid good money to get her back. It cost me the price of a slave. Then I told her, “From now on you’re living with me. No more whoring, no more sleeping around. You’re living with me and I’m living with you.”

Genesis 2:18 (NIV)
The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

Hosea 2:14, 16, 19-20 (NIV)
“Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her.”

“In that day,” declares the Lord, “you will call me ‘my husband’; you will no longer call me ‘my master.’”

“I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the Lord.”

Picture with me, if you will, a woman standing on an auction block. She is dirty, bruised, and her clothes are torn, barely covering her. She will go to the highest bidder and become their possession, their slave. She doesn’t look like she’s worth the starting bid and nobody seems interested in purchasing her. The auctioneer would be just as happy to see her die and cares little for her life. When nobody responds to his attempts to sell her, he is ready to discard her and move on to more promising wares.

But then a man approaches him and beckons him to come over for a private deal. He is obviously very wealthy, clothed in rich garments, smelling of sweet perfumes, and handsome in appearance. The auctioneer’s prospects immediately brighten and he prepares to bargain.

The man asks, “How much for her?” pointing to the prostitute that nobody else wanted.

The auctioneer purred with his best salesman tactics, “Oh, her? You couldn’t possibly afford her!”

The man persists, “Name your price.”

Anybody knows it’s best to start high and then work your way down. “Everything you own!!” The auctioneer exclaims extravagantly.

Without a moment’s hesitation, the man declares, “Done!” and extends his hand to seal the deal.

The auctioneer blinks, stunned. Did he hear right? The man looks completely serious and ready to give it all for this soiled dove. The auctioneer becomes suspicious. Is there something he doesn’t know about her? He decides to find out.”All right…but before we write up the papers, may I ask you a question? What makes her of such value to you?”

The man smiles slightly and gazes over at the young woman who is standing, shoulders slumped, head down.

“I’ve been looking for some time now, in search of beautiful pearls. As soon as I saw her, I realized that my search was over, for in her I have found a pearl of great price! Can you not see how priceless she is?”

The auctioneer looks again to make sure they are speaking about the same woman. Indeed, they are viewing the same broken, filthy whore. He is lost for words, bewildered by the man’s words. “Why don’t you tell me what makes her so priceless?” Hoping to discover the secret of her identity.

The man’s smile grows. His gaze is directed at the woman and yet it appears that he is seeing a completely different scene in his mind’s eye.

“She is radiant. She is altogether lovely. She is stunning and captivating. With one glance of her eyes, she has stolen my heart! She is worth the greatest price you could name, and more! You could not put a price on her beauty!”

“She is unique, perfect in every way. There is none like her! She is purity, she is grace, she is strength. She is a rose, a lily among thorns, a diamond in the rough, the wheat among the weeds. She is elegant, nurturing, dedicated, affectionate and stately. There is no flaw or blemish in her!”

“I’m sorry to interrupt, that’s all very poetic, but may I remind you that she is a slave and a adulteress?” The auctioneer forgot his salesman’s tactics for a moment in order to satisfy his curiosity. The man turned to him.

“Yes, I know. She is bruised, but I will heal her. She is broken-hearted, but I will bind up her wounds. She might call me ‘Master’ for some time, but one day, she will call me ‘husband’.” The man returned his gaze to the object of his affection.

“Yes…because I am going to allure her. I will speak tenderly to her and restore to her all that she has lost. I will betroth her to myself forever.”

“Pardon?? You plan to marry this woman? Surely a man of your stature and position deserves a woman of royalty and wealth! She cannot be worthy to stand next to you as your wife!”

Fear flamed up inside the auctioneer’s soul at the look the man turned on him. A look of jealous rage burned in his eyes with fierceness and passion. The auctioneer quickly determined to be more careful with his words.

“You are quite mistaken,” came the carefully controlled words of the man, “She is in fact royalty and comes from the highest birth. Only she doesn’t know it.” Aha! Things were starting to come together at last! Foolishly, this man thought this woman was somehow a princess, kidnapped and sold into slavery as a child! Oh the irony! He was going to waste everything on her! He returned his attention to the man, who was still speaking.

“She is certainly worthy to be my bride. I will wash away her filth and dress her in garments of pure white. She will be my partner, my suitable companion, and she will love me with the same intense love that I have for her. She will be the light of the world, the salt of the earth. Nothing I own could possibly compare with the endless pleasure that she will bring me for eternity. I consider all that I would give up for her to be rubbish in comparison to the joy that I will gain by winning her heart! I would give it all to have her, indeed I must have her!”

“And you will, sir,” purred the auctioneer again, back on his game, “For the price that we agreed on!”

“I’m a man of my word. I will pay you what I promised.”

And he did pay the greatest price. He made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, giving up the glory and riches of heaven, giving up his close intimate position with the Father, setting aside the privileges of deity and the advantages of his status to come to earth and become human! (Philippians 2:6-8) He humbled himself, washing the feet of those who followed him, to show them the full extent of his love for them. (John 13:1-5) And from there he continued his selfless abandonment with the most extravagant display of his love – he gave his very life and died a cruel death on a cross. And while he hung there, it was her face, the image of his bride that was the joy set before him and which enabled him to endure the cross and scorn the shame. (Hebrews 12:2) Yet, what makes it so incredible is that he considered his bride to be worth the price! He considered all these things to not be of equal value to having her for his own, and enjoying the benefits of her voluntary love. She is indeed priceless.

Song of Songs 8:7 (NIV)
If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned.

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Jan 04 2006

Here I Am!!

Published by Jacquie under Intimacy

This is a continuation of my previous post entitled “Where Are You?”

As I was pondering the Hide ‘n Seek analogy that I discovered in Genesis, I sought to discover more about God through it. Sometimes it seems that God “hides” from me, and I wanted to know why! Then I found a verse that seemed to shed some light on the issue.Isaiah 65:1 – “I revealed myself to those who did not ask for me; I was found by those who did not seek me. To a nation that did not call on my name, I said, ‘Here am I, here am I’.”

From a historical viewpoint, in this verse, God is referring to the Gentiles and saying that He would reveal Himself to them, even though they didn’t worship Him. Yet, in this verse, something captured my heart as I began to see a glimpse into another aspect of God’s personality.

First of all, you can see that God really wants to be found by people!! He even wants to be found by those who aren’t even looking for Him! Therefore, it only makes sense that He delights to be found even more by those who are truly seeking for Him.

Now, for those who aren’t looking for Him, perhaps they need a little extra help in finding Him & they need God to jump up & down and wave His arms a little and shout “Here I am!!!” But, is God the same for those who are looking for Him? Or does He hide Himself for a while – perhaps testing to see how badly we want Him? Or does He simply enjoy seeing His people who desire Him seek Him out? Is there a greater reward for those who persevere in seeking Him when it seems that He is hiding from them? Is there greater joy in discovering Him when it requires effort on our part?

Now, if I am to be completely honest, sometimes it isn’t a whole lot of fun to look for God & feel like I’m not even coming close to finding Him. It can be quite discouraging actually – even depressing. David seems to share my sentiments and expresses His own frustration in the Psalms.

“…when you hid your face, I was dismayed.” (30:7)
“How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I … every day have sorrow in my heart?” (13:1-2)
“Why, O Lord, do you reject me and hide your face from me?” (88:14)

The thrill of a child’s hide ‘n seek game just doesn’t seem to be there when God is the one hiding. Instead, we wander around aimlessly, despondent & in despair. WHERE ARE YOU?? We feel rejected and lost without the sense of His presence with us.

But do we feel this way because we have a distorted view of God? Is it because we automatically assume that if He’s hiding, it means that He is angry with us or rejecting us? Maybe we’ve got it wrong. Perhaps, if we sense that He is distant, it should fill us with the thrill of the hunt, the chase! Instead of despairing, should we grow excited at the prospect of seeking Him out and finding Him?

I think I feel that excitement at times, but then, when it seems like it’s taking too long or that I am failing at my task of finding Him, I get discouraged. I usually start beating up on myself and feel that I’m not very good at this game of hide ‘n seek. I’m good at hiding from God! Just not as good at seeking for Him. And the enemy whispers in my ear, “Maybe He doesn’t want to be found by you. I think He’s probably hiding because He’d rather not be with you.”

Which is why my heart lept when I read the verse in Isaiah, because I felt encouraged by the thought that God really does want to be found by me!! And perhaps, when He sees me seeking for Him, I will finally hear Him shout, “Here I am!!”

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Dec 04 2005

Where are you?

Published by Jacquie under Intimacy

Recently, the Lord brought it to my attention that I had been avoiding Him. Avoiding a lot of things, actually. I realized that I had been avoiding dealing with some issues of my heart that had come up & had thought that perhaps if I just pretended my problems didn’t exist, then maybe they would just go away on their own. Well, it turns out that instead of disappearing, they only grew worse! So finally, I gave in and began to face my problems instead of running from them. Except, that I then discovered that by focusing on my problems and issues, I was still running from God. Then, by His grace He came in and brought me to Genesis 3:9 and began to speak to me through it. I wrote out what He was showing me in the form of a prayer…

God -
I came here tonight all prepared for another session of confession and dumping about all my faults and flaws, yet, I was randomly paging through my Bible and a phrase caught my eye and then my heart. It was telling of a time when you were walking in a garden in the cool of the day. And it’s no ordinary garden. It’s a garden of intimacy where you spend time with your two most favorite people in the entire world! :)

It’s a garden of joy and adventure, a place where you would walk and talk together and instruct and laugh and just enjoy each other’s company. I imagine you really looked forward to the time you spent with Adam & Eve and anticipated your rendevouzs with them. I see you smiling. And you’re looking for them – you can’t wait to see them again and hear the things they discovered today and what questions they have. Before you can even call out to them, they’ve already heard your footsteps and you can hear them rushing through the garden, nearly bursting with their excitement to run abandonedly into your arms. They come crashing through the trees and nearly pounce on you, laughing with all the innocence and playfulness of a child running to his Daddy.

Some days though they might not have heard your steps as they worked and you would call out to them… “Where are you?” You would search for them, eager to locate them. You would call out again, a little louder this time, almost singing and laughing as you called, “Where are you? I’m going to find you!!”

All of a sudden they cease all movement and their heads turn. Did they hear something? Their hearts begin to beat a little faster…they look at each other with a look that says, “Did you hear what I think I heard?” They focus their senses and gaze intently in the direction of the sound. Suddenly they hear it again! Someone singing! “Aaaaaaaadam!! Eeeeeeeve!! Where aaaaare you? I’m looking for you!”

Their spirits leap within them and their bodies follow suit, leaping up from their task. Their Lord is searching for them! He’s pursuing them! Instead of running to you, this time they whisper to each other playfully and point to a hiding place. They cover their mouths, attempting to muffle their laughter as they quickly hide themselves. His voice is getting louder – He’s nearer! They are breathless with the anticipation of being sought after and found.

You of course know exactly where they are, but you come near to their hiding place and make a display of your passion for them, calling out with such vigor, love, and deep desire, “Where aaaare you?? I can’t bear it one more second!! I must be with you! I want to be with you! Come out, come out wherever you are!” At this point, they can no longer contain themselves and they explode from their hiding place, shouting, “Here we are!!!” And there is great joy at being discovered!You are laughing. Oh, how you love them!! There is such adoration on your face. You are content. And they love you and they are content in your love. Sadly, there is more to the story found in Genesis. This day, when they heard your footsteps in the garden, they ran to hide, but not for fun – this time they hid because of fear and shame. Sin had entered the picture and they did not anticipate seeing the look of sadness on your face at their disobedience. They wished for the days of innocence and purity to come back when they could run to you, but now they couldn’t even bear the thought of looking into your all-knowing eyes. And so they hid.

Of course, you already knew what they had done and why they were hiding, yet still you called out as always… “Where are you?” Your heart was broken and grieved by their sin, yet still you sought them out, still you desired to be with your children, still you pursued them, because you longed to talk to them about what had happened.When they heard your voice, they looked at each other with fear in their eyes. Should they reveal themselves? What would they say? The grief nearly choked them – their Lord, their God, their Creator – they had hurt him and they felt so much shame at seeing their own nakedness, seeing the ugliness of their sin.

Finally, Adam spoke, but their fear and shame prevented them from saying what they truly felt. “I’m so sorry!!” is what their spirits cried out, but instead, they made excuses and tried to shift the blame. And they stayed hidden instead of being vulnerable with their God as they always had before.

And because you are holy and just, there had to be consequences for their sin. Yet, I don’t imagine it was the pain of childbirth or the sweat and weariness of hard labor that was the highest price for their sin – the worst part was being expelled from the only home they had ever known – the garden of intimacy with you.

Yet you were also so full of love and grace and you came and covered them in their shame. You wrapped garments around them as a prophetic act that one day there would be another sacrifice that would cover the sins and shame of the whole world.You then showed yourself to be that same God to the generations that followed. You continue to call out to those that would listen – to those whose ears are turned to even the slightest whisper of your voice – “Where aaaaare you? I’m looking for you! I want to be with you!”You are calling to me! You are searching for me, seeking me out, pursuing intimacy with me. And sometimes I come running to you, laughter bubbling out of me with the excitement of being with you. But sometimes, I know I have done things that aren’t pleasing to you, and when you call out to me, I run from you and hide in my shame, afraid to face you. I forget about your unconditional love for me and your grace that covers even a multitude of sins. This is the cycle of avoidance that I seem to fall into so easily. This is the cycle I wish to break! Help me, my Lord, my God, my Creator.

You know my heart better than I do. You know the true desires of my heart to be with you and that even when I’m running from you, I long to be back in the garden of intimacy.

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