Longing For His Appearing

A continuation… (Read Part 1 and Part 2)

In Romans 13:8, 9, Paul writes that all of the commandments in the law are fulfilled if we will just love one another and that all of the commandments could be summed up by the command, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself”. While the Scriptures themselves command me to be a woman of the Word and to meditate on it daily and to pray unceasingly, if I do those things and neglect to love my children, I have missed it! Matthew 23:23 has Jesus rebuking the religious leaders saying, “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you pay tithe of mint and anise and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faith. These you ought to have done without leaving the others undone.” It is a religious spirit that causes us to get so focused on performing the duties of being a Christian that we forget what truly matters – justice, mercy, faith and love. They were offering to God what was required by the law, but they had missed what He truly desired to receive from them.

For me, while this new revelation has deeply impacted my heart, it is still difficult to put into action. I have found it difficult to lay down my desires for how I want to worship God and what I want to offer Him in order to seek what He wants. While I may be fixated upon getting time to read my Bible or pray, if I were to stop and ask Him, “What offering do you want from me, God?” perhaps His answer would be, “Play with your son” or “Rest your body” or “Go for a walk with your husband” or “Call your friend and pray for her need” or “Sing a song to me” or “Hold your daughter while she cries” or any number of things that I previously wouldn’t have considered as being a valid offering of worship unto God. Somewhere along the line, I forgot that I am actually loving God when I love people! I think there will also be times when He would ask of me to read my Bible or pray, but the point is that I don’t assume what He wants and that I am willing to give up my way of doing things for His way. To have a broken and contrite spirit like David wrote about in Psalm 51:16-17 requires that I submit my will to God and set aside my own selfish desires – not an easy thing to do!

As Romans 12:1 says, “…present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God…”

A continuation… (Read Part 1 here)

My husband gave me a word from the Lord, “You want to give an offering to God your way instead of His way.”

I immediately was convicted by the truth of his statement and realized that though my initial desire to spend time in the Word and in prayer was good and honorable, that I had never bothered to ask the Lord what kind of offering He desired! And perhaps that was the problem with Cain in Genesis 4. Perhaps he saw that Abel was giving an offering to God and in his own desire to please God, he strove to present something to God out of his own strength, instead of first asking the Lord what type of offering would please Him? I have done this countless times – I see what someone else is able to offer to God, by spending hours in Bible study or intercession, and then I feel that I want to do the same, regardless of whether or not that is what the Lord is asking of me. I so easily feel pressured by what the apparent standard is for being a “good Christian” and I strive to please God by checking off chapters on a Bible-reading plan or logging the hours I’ve put in through prayer. Only, I’m usually left feeling like it is never enough and that I can never attain to this elusive super-Christian status. I want to give God an offering my way, based on my desires and my strength, and I just set myself up for failure.

Why has it never occurred to me before to ask God what type of offering or worship He would like from me?? Yet this is the very same trap that the Israelites fell into several times. King Saul is a prime example, for when he was commanded by God to kill every person and animal in a particular tribe, he kept the best of the animals to present as an offering to God instead. And was God impressed by this extravagant gift? Not at all. In 1 Samuel 15:22-23, the Lord says this,

“Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice…”

Saul had his own idea of what would please God, but completely disregarded what the Lord had commanded him to do and in so doing, missed out on what He truly desired. As a result of this act of disobedience, Saul was rejected as king of Israel and the Lord began to seek for a man who was truly after His own heart. This brings me to David, who was perhaps one of the few who really sought God’s heart and sought to discover what He delighted in. In Psalm 51:16-17, he writes this,

“For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it; You do not delight in burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart – these, O God, You will not despise.”

It seems strange, that the very sacrifices and offerings that God commanded His people to offer Him were the very things that they would get tripped up on, thinking that these outward signs of worship were what He desired, when what He really wanted was their hearts. In Isaiah 1:11-17, the Lord rebukes Israel, saying that He has come to despise their sacrifices and that their incense has become an abomination to Him because of the sinful lives they were living. If I put myself into this story, I might be looking for God’s approval after reading for an hour in my Bible, only for Him to find it an unacceptable offering, since it was given at the cost of treating my children without love.

To be continued…

Perhaps you are familiar with this feeling – you have a hunger and a desire to spend time with the Lord and when other responsibilities, events, or people get in the way, it’s almost as though they become your enemy. This is a good feeling to have when the things that hinder you from loving God are sinful or fruitless activities or relationships, since we need to be tenacious and violent in our pursuit of God and willing to forsake our other “lovers”. However, what do you do when the thing that’s getting in your way is your own flesh and blood – a screaming toddler or a hungry baby?

This was where I found myself the other day – longing and aching to fulfill that desire to spend long hours reading my Bible and communing with Jesus, only to be continuously thwarted at every turn by my own dear children. It didn’t take long before there was a pent-up ball of fiery rage burning on the inside of me and I just wanted to scream and cry and yell at the unfairness of it all (and in fact, I did scream and cry some). This is the paradox of parenting – how this little human being whom you love so deeply also seems to bring out the worst in you by exposing all your selfish motives!

But this is not what I wanted to share with you – it is just how the story begins. That evening, as I was ready to fall apart at the seams and break down once again, my dear husband turned in his Bible to Genesis 4, which tells the story of Cain and Abel. I’m sure you are familiar with this famous tale of the very first murder, but it begins with what appears to be a sincere offering to God on Cain’s part. He brought an offering of his crops to the Lord, while his brother Abel brought the firstborn of his flock. The Lord accepted Abel’s offering, but not Cain’s. At this, Cain became very angry and the Lord asks him, “Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it.”

To be completely honest, when reading this, it is tempting to side with Cain and wonder why the Lord was so hard on him? What was wrong with Cain’s offering? Why wasn’t it good enough? Wouldn’t you be angry and upset too? Must we strive to gain God’s approval and acceptance? Like Cain, I had an offering I desired to give to the Lord – I wanted to offer Him my time and focused devotion – and when that didn’t work out for me, I became angry and began to take it out on my own family members, even as Cain took out his anger on his brother Abel.

Now was there anything wrong with my desire? Was there anything wrong with wanting to spend time reading my Bible or praying? Of course not! But, here is where it hit home for me when my husband said to me, by the Holy Spirit’s prophetic inspiration,

“You want to give an offering to God your way instead of His way.”

Ouch!

To be continued…

In the last couple months, the Lord has been putting His finger on several areas in my heart related to parenting.  Joe and I often remark on how much easier it was to transition from being single to being married than it was to transition from being married to being parents – it’s a tough gig!  More than ever, you become acutely aware of the darkness of your heart and your desperate need for the Holy Spirit.  I wish I could say that I’ve made drastic improvements to how I relate to my son Justice, but I feel like I’ve only taken tiny baby steps and I have so much further to go!  For my own sake, I decided to write a little bit about some of the scriptures the Lord has highlighted to me, even to remind myself of what He spoke and to pray that He help me to apply them.

The first scripture that came alive to me in a new way was the very familiar passage on the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5, which says, “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience (long-suffering), kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness (meekness) and self-control…Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit” (vs. 22, 25).  I am convinced these verses were written for parents, for I have never needed these things more than I do now!  I long to have these fruits of the Spirit growing in abundance in my life, that I could be a mother who shows unconditional love, has joy in my heart, creates a peaceful atmosphere in my home, has unending patience, shows kindness in the face of anger, demonstrates gentleness and meekness by bringing the power and authority I have as an adult under the control of the Spirit so that I do not use it in harmful ways.  I want to walk in step with the Spirit instead of giving in to my flesh for, “Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.  The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace” (Romans 8:5-6).

In close connection to this passage is another familiar one from 1 Corinthians 13, the famous “Love Chapter”, which says, “Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs…It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.” (vs. 4-8)  There is some obvious overlap between these two, but what especially stood out to me is that love is not self-seeking or easily angered.  If parenting has revealed anything about me lately, it seems to have shown me how selfish I can be and how easily I can give in to anger and frustration.  Most times, if I react harshly towards my son, it is because he is preventing me from doing something that I want (or feel I need) to do.  It is no small thing to try and obey the exhortation in Philippians 2:4, “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”  By nature, I am more inclined to consider my own interests first and foremost above anybody elses, including my husband and children, when the very nature of Christ which I desire to have formed in me, was to lay down all his rights to serve others.

A third scripture that I desire to see fulfilled in my home in regards to parenting is Isaiah 32:17-18 which says, “The fruit of righteousness will be peace; the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever.  My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest.”  Again, I see the connection to the fruit of the Spirit (or righteousness) and I am again gripped with my need for His working in my life if I desire to have a home that is peaceful, secure, and restful.  More than just wanting my home to feel at peace because the circumstances have changed (although I would certainly welcome that), I desire that the attitude and environment of my own heart and mind would be at complete peace, even in the midst of chaos.  I also want the effect of having my life transformed in righteousness to be a home where my children can dwell with confidence, because they are secure in my love for them.

Lastly, a scripture that really struck me was one I read in my devotional book titled “Loving God” which contains excerpts from various books by Mike Bickle.  The passage is intense and pierced my heart with conviction and sobriety as it warned, “Because you did not serve the Lord your God with joy and gladness of heart, for the abundance of everything, therefore you shall serve your enemies.” (Deuteronomy 28:47-48)  Woah.  Since I consider parenting not only an act of service to my children, but also an act of service unto God, this is saying that if I don’t serve (parent) my children with joy, gladness and gratitude in my heart, that I am opening myself up to be brought into bondage by the enemy!  As Mike wrote, “When we enter into God’s joy and gladness, the door to much of Satan’s activity slams shut in our lives.  The joy of serving God keeps us from compromise.  A glad heart is a strong heart. (Nehemiah 8:10)”  How true!!  If I am not connected to the Lord and if I am not communing with His heart, which is joyful and glad, then I am so much more vulnerable to the lies and schemes of the enemy to lure me into complaining, anger, bitterness, unthankfulness, and a host of other terrible things.  But if I can receive and be filled with the joy of the Lord, it will strengthen me to withstand and overcome the enemy and equip me to love and lead my children well.

A lovely friend of mine and mother of three has recently begun writing a series of posts on “Raising Daniels“, which looks at the book of Daniel through the lens of the character traits we should seek to be instilling in our children.  The book of Daniel contains many prophecies regarding the end of the age, which she mentions was a real motivation for examining the way we raise the next generation.

According to Biblical prophecy, we really ARE in the end times. We are nearing the very last days before the return of Christ…our children will be living in the last days. They will not be pretty days. And they will not be easy days…

The character of Daniel in the Bible is truly inspiring to me as a parent. Reading about his life, his experiences, his integrity, his courage, his faith – it has given me a vision for my job as a mother. It has motivated me to get off my butt and do a good job. It has helped me to focus on what matters most. It has reminded me of the power my children hold in their little hearts, and the power I have as their mother to influence them in ways that could literally save their lives.

It’s really fantastic and I wanted to let you all know about it, so go visit her at The Joy Box and check it out!

Lately I’ve been reading and meditating on Isaiah chapters 61 to 63 which contains several scriptures pertaining to the coming of the Messiah, both His first coming and His second.  The verse which stuck out to me recently though was Isaiah 62:10 which says, “Pass through, pass through the gates!  Prepare the way for the people.  Build up, build up the highway!  Remove the stones.  Raise a banner for the nations.”

Prepare the way for the Lord
I believe this verse has many layers of meaning, but it’s especially important to view it through the lens of Jesus’ return to the earth.  This is quite clear from the following verse where the Lord instructs Isaiah to proclaim, “See, your Savior comes!  See, his reward is with him, and his recompense accompanies him.”  The Lord desired for Isaiah to preach a message that the Savior was indeed coming, bringing with Him both a reward for His people and vengeance for His enemies.  Yet, before this message could be proclaimed, obstacles needed to be removed and the path built up and prepared so that the people would be able to receive the message.  This a similar calling to what was given to John the Baptist who was a forerunner that was to ”pass through” ahead of others and go before to prepare the way of the Lord… 

A voice of one calling in the desert: “Prepare the way for the Lord; make straight in the wilderness a highway for our God.  Every valley shall be raised up, every mountain and hill made low; the rough ground shall become level, the rugged places a plain.  And the glory of the Lord will be revealed, and all mankind together will see it.  For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.”  Isaiah 40:3-5

Make ready a people prepared
In the case of John the Baptist, a key aspect of preparing the people’s hearts was to call them to participate in the baptism of repentance.  For them this was an outward act to demonstrate the inner response of their hearts to turn from their wicked ways and return to the Lord.  But what is the Lord saying to the forerunners of today?  What do we need to do to prepare both our own hearts and also the hearts of those who God desires us to proclaim this message of His return to?  How can we remove the obstacles in the way, the things that are hindering us and them from being ready on that day?  How can we do what is necessary to “make ready a people prepared for the Lord”?  (Luke 1:17)

Watch and pray
I think a key component to being prepared for the Lord when He returns is found in Jesus’ talk with His disciples in Matthew 24 and 25.  After warning them of the signs of the end of the age, Jesus exhorts them to be like the faithful and wise servant who was found watching and waiting for his master’s return and the five wise virgins who kept oil in their lamps and were ready when the bridegroom appeared.  Among other things, I believe this speaks of prayer, for when Jesus was in the garden of Gethsemane, he implored the disciples to “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation”.  (Mark 14:38)  Prayer is one of the most strategic ways that we can keep our hearts alert and on guard, full of oil and lit with the fire of passion for Jesus, as opposed to slumbering and being caught unaware when He returns. 

Remove the stones
Intercession on behalf of others is also critical for the removing of the obstacles in their way – we need to be watchmen on the walls of our cities that are never silent day or night (Isaiah 62:6-7), warring for the demonic influences over people to be taken out and for the blinders to be removed so that they are able to “see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God” (2 Corinthians 4:4).  I believe this is one of the biggest stumbling blocks for people – that they are unable to see Jesus for who He is and that He is the express image of the Father.  Many, including myself, do not have a correct view of Jesus or the Father and we need to intercede for wisdom and revelation to know Him better (Ephesians 1:17) and also preach about who He truly is, tearing down the wrong mindsets and ideas of what He’s like and how He feels about us.

Return with fasting and weeping
Another passage of scripture that contains several instructions on how to prepare our hearts for Jesus’ return is Joel 2:12-17.  There’s too much here to go into great detail on each item, but the Lord calls for the people to return to Him with all their heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning.  If we desire to be prepared and desire to make ready a people prepared, then repentance, fasting, and mourning need to be an essential component of our daily lives.  If we do not want our love to grow cold (Matthew 24:12) then we need to turn from our sin and turn to the Lord wholeheartedly – holding nothing back.  He wants our whole hearts – He desires for us to love Him with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength (Mark 12:30).  I believe that adding fasting to your repentance is an incredible accelerator to the process, as you are choosing to kill the desires of your flesh and live by the spirit (Romans 8:13-14).  Also, when we are able to connect with the reality of how our sin grieves the Holy Spirit and we can mourn over our spiritual condition and the condition of our cities and nations, our hearts will be tenderized and the gift of weeping and groaning will allow us to enter into partnership with the Spirit in intercession (Romans 8:26).

Raising forerunners
So what does this have to do with raising forerunners?  As a soon-to-be mother, I have been impressed on my heart with the importance of my calling to make ready my children to be ones who are prepared for the Lord’s return and who will also be forerunners that will prepare others.  Imagine what it was like for Elizabeth, realizing the destiny of the child she carried within her and how vital it was for her to raise him as the Lord had commanded and teach him the ways of God, instructing John about his destiny to prepare the way of the Lord and ready the hearts of the people for their coming Messiah!  I feel this same urgency, this same weight of responsibility.  I know that the child in my womb has an incredible destiny and purpose and it is my role to disciple them and prepare them for it, with the help of Holy Spirit.  I certainly cannot do this on my own and sometimes the thought of it overwhelms me, but I also must trust that the Lord has given this child to us and will equip us to train him or her in the way they should go.  I have a new appreciation for the story of Samson’s parents, who when told of the special calling on their unborn child’s life, cried out to God, “O Lord, I beg you, let the man of God you sent to us come again to teach us how to bring up the boy who is to be born.”  (Judges 13:8)  God answered their prayer and as I make this prayer my own, I believe He too will come and teach my husband and I how to raise this little forerunner in the making.

So, in my last post, I talked about the Esther Season – the time in my life where God was preparing me for my future husband.

Now, I am beginning a new journey into what I’ve decided to call the Hannah Season. As I’m sure most of you know, Hannah was the mother to the well-known prophet of the Bible, Samuel. Her story can be found in the first 3 chapters of the book of 1 Samuel and she is a godly woman with many admirable qualities that I would hope to emulate.

1. She was a woman of prayer – I too want to be a woman who cries out to God on behalf of my children, before they are even born. Since, I believe they already exist in the heart of God and He has known them from before the creation of the world, than surely my prayers matter even now!

2. She had open hands – before she even had children, she dedicated her child to God. I want to do the same, knowing that my children belong to God before they belong to me. By giving them back to the Lord, I am placing them in the safest possible place.

3. She persevered – she sought the Lord earnestly and passionately, fasting and crying out to God persistently for this desire of her heart. In the same way, I want to persever in prayer for my children, being an intercessory warrior on their behalf!

4. She worshiped and believed – even before she saw the answer to her prayers, she gave worship and praise to God. I believe she had a spirit of faith that believed the Lord had heard her prayers. Praise and faith are qualities I want to display in my home and instill in my children.

5. She was a woman of integrity – even though she may have been tempted to change her mind once she found herself with her beloved son in her arms, she did not back out, but followed through on her vow and kept her commitment to God. By God’s grace, I hope to be a mother who keeps her promises and who lives righteously both in public and in private, setting a godly example for my children.

I’m sure there are even more qualities that could be extracted from Hannah’s story, but I think the part that I am identifying with most right now, is her simple desire for a child. And in some ways, I feel the same emotions of when I was longing to find my husband – the uncertainty of when and how and what will they be like? There’s a knowing that they exist, but they remain nameless and faceless until the day that God decides the time is right.

So, I find myself with a new journal. It’s a little brown suede notebook (couldn’t choose anything too feminine or masculine) that will soon start to be filled with prayers for my future child, letters to them, and I’m not quite sure what else. But it’s fun and exciting to engage with God about my future children before they are even conceived, and to allow Him to prepare me to be the kind of mother He would desire for me to be. It’s again a season of prepartion and molding and shaping…

For a rather vulnerable glimpse into my life, lately I have been thinking a lot about being pregnant and wishing I had a life in the process of creation within me. This is in part due to the dozens of pregnant women and new mothers around me. I also think it is because Joe & I have been married now for a year and I am actually in a position where having a baby is not completely out of the question. We have a house and room to grow. Not only this, but as a young woman who is nearing her quarter-century birthday in the coming year, the timing seems good for starting a family. I also think that my motherly instincts are beginning to blossom along with the simple continuous longing for a child to call my own.

Taking all this into consideration, I also do not actually feel ready to be a mother and I really want to make the most of our married years where it is just the two of us, before the pressures and responsibilities of parenthood dramatically change our lifestyles. This then requires patience and trusting in God’s perfect timing and knowing that He has a plan for us and our future family. Yet, I still can’t help feeling a sadness when I dream about having a baby, only to wake up and discover that it isn’t real.With all of this on my heart, I was reminded of Hannah from 1 Samuel. She too had a desperate longing for a child, but she was barren. She had the adoration and devotion of her husband, but she was not satisfied with this. Her desire was so intense that it drove her to depression and not eating. She was almost obsessed with her dream of having a child and could think of nothing else. Her husband, who loved her dearly, however, was wounded by this and asked her, “Don’t I mean more to you than ten sons?”I think this caused her to think and consider her dream. As she was praying, she presented her request before God, asking Him again to give her a son, but then she did something very dramatic. She “sacrificed” this dream that was so close to her heart and vowed that she would give her son back to the Lord for all the days of his life. She let go of her greatest desire and surrendered it back to God.